- “I cannot play with any team other than Barcelona” – Messi
- Bale to sign new £130,000-a-week deal to stay at Spurs, but can leave for £50m next summer
- Last gum Sir Alex Ferguson chewed available on Ebay for £105,500
- “We’ve decided to bring our relationship to an end” – Perez confirms Mourinho’s exit
- Atletico Madrid confirm they will allow Falcao leave
- “Don’t call me boss again” – Ferguson warns United players
- Giwa FC maintains lead of NNL group A with a win
- “Jim Iyke Unscripted show is like finding maggots in your omelette” – Joy Bewaji
- Odemwingie to be sold after dressing room row with team-mates
- Shuaib Yaqub: The hypocrisy of Governor Seriake Dickson
Ayomide Tayo: Set P, Scatter P, Finish P – The age of Twitter & more nudity
Generation X is now Generation XXX. The once amoebic youth culture is now defined by moans, groans, G-spot and sex positions. The average Nigerian youth is more concerned with learning the Kama Sutra principles than the Nigerian constitution. We do what we want to, smoke what we want to and fuck who we want to. That’s the zeitgeist- the spirit of the times.
“Follow, follow back. LOL a couple of tweets, end retweets with LMAO. ‘DM tings’, exchange pins. Move over to BB, talk, talk a whole lot more, and talk dirty. Show flesh, show boobs. Set P. Scatter P. Finish P.” In the 21st century this is pretty much how you get down via Twitter. And while there is something excitingly bad and deliciously evil about maneuvering through Twitter handles and DMs to find that one guy and babe to lay, there are fuck ups.
Hardly any week goes by without a nude picture being leaked or a sex tape coming out. While the positions and postures are different depending on the participants, the reaction is the same. A picture or sex tape gets leaked- actor/director/producer/editor goes into hiding. The actress goes into hiding and cries her eyes out. Guys on Twitter (sharply) download the video, scrutinize, analyze and laugh their heads off. The babes on the other hand, band together in solidarity and rain abuses on the guy.
This generation might have a lot of balls and coochie power but it runs short on logic. Babes, if a guy asks for your nudes, the chances of him showing you in your birthday suit to his friends and colleagues are high as the Marley family on Cannabis Day. You think he is not going to show that sex tape to his guys? Yeah right. He is gonna edit that clip up, do a little bit of colour correction, add opening and closing credits and pass it to his friends to premiere. They might even add a red carpet and popcorn for good measure. I’m sure you must have wondered why his friends were looking at you longer than usual and smiling at you. Well, that’s because they’ve must have probably watched you screaming the name of that famous Jesus carpenter who died some 2, 000 years ago in a pitch that Mariah Carey can’t reach.
Douche bags. This term has replaced the word ‘gentleman’. Nobody wants to be Sean Connery anymore. Every guy out there strives to be a douche bag like Kanye West or the fictional Hollywood agent in my favourite TV series Entourage, Ari Gold. The creed of a douche bag is to treat women like sh*t and parade them like trophies. They are eager to show their medals- and that’s you with nothing on. He will show everyone where your secret tattoo is from the gateman to his boss just to prove he is a man and compensate for the fact that he sucks in bed.
Don’t get it twisted. I am not saying that a gentleman cannot receive nudes, he can. What I mean is that, while a douche bag will show everyone what you are working with, a gentleman will not. As a matter of fact he would delete it a few hours later. A gentleman can have sex tapes but he’s going to store the mp4 file in the belly of the beast that swallowed Jonah. I have already said what a douche bag will do it. And since it is the trend these days for women to fall in love with men who don’t give a crap about them…douche baggery is the order of the day. Don’t argue just accept it.
Equal Opportunity of the sexes hasn’t permeated this field of le nudes and sex tapes yet. Women are always at the receiving end (no pun intended). When a nude picture or sex tape gets into the wrong hands or worse, the public, the woman is painted as the slut while the bloke is seen as bad sharp guy. Ladies you are dulling. If a guy asks for your naked picture, tell him to send his first with his face. That way if sh+ happens you can ‘leak’ his own unflattering picture. If a man says you should have a sex tape no wahala. Buy a Canon 7D and record your own version events with his hilarious cum face. You’ll be surprised the reduction in leakages if this happens. Case closed- that’s an equal playing field right there. You don’t need to go Beijing to get that.
Don’t be a boring hag but at the end of the day use your common sense. If you allow that guy hit the record button just because of Brazilian hair or Louboutins well get ready to be an actress, an extremely popular actress. It all boils down to trust. If you don’t trust the person well enough don’t do it. If you still want to get your le freak on, have a back up to cover your ass…literally. Guys tone down the Kanye West swerve and be a real G for once, a gentleman.
*Now putting my retina scan, finger print recognition hard drive inside the belly of the beast*
Ayomide Tayo is the chief blogger at PopOffCentral.com