May Victor, co-founder of Two-gether for Ever Inc., a relationship outfit based in Houston Texas, USA is unhappy that women have substituted enjoying sex with their husbands with getting pleasures from sex toys.
As a Christian counsellor with 15 years experience, May Victor is devoted to laying the right foundation for sustainable relationships as well as helping couples enjoy the dividends of marriage as opposed to enduring marriage.
In a recent interview with Daily Sun, she shed more light on why many marriages are hitting the rocks. Excerpts: What secrets have kept your marriage for 20 years? The number one factor is the God factor.
The God factor refers to the place of God in your marriage. Every marriage needs a God and the bible as the most impartial referees. The next secret is the friendship factor, marry your friend and if for any reason you married a stranger or an enemy, make him or her your friend. We can never over emphasize the need to be friends with your spouse.
There is also the renewal factor. Take time out to renew, recreate, and refresh from the daily grind of life. Couples should have low-budget get-aways, picnics, date nights and take advantage of every opportunity to have fun.
Sex is a major issue in marriages, how often should couples evaluate their sex lives? Couples have to evaluate their sex life when there is no romance between them. Whenever you stop looking forward to being together, you need to check yourselves. Good sex is a function of the four intimacies of a relationship which includes emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy, intellectual intimacy and social intimacy.
Every couple knows when sex is good and when sex is mechanical. If there are reasons for the lack of sex or absence of good romance in the house, then that problem should be summarily dealt with. If you are not satisfied, say so and insist on it. Women are probably the culprits here and the use of sex toys is not helping matters. Don’t say “I let him do his thing and I do mine later”. That is the most dangerous thing in a relationship.
Do you agree that marriage is a bitter experience as many would say today? I don’t subscribe to the notion that marriage has a bitter side. It has it’s challenges but marriage is good. I have been married for 22 years but have been friends for 27 years with my husband and it gets better every day. When you carefully manage disagreements, you enjoy marriage.
Marriage is hard work and it is what you put into it that you will get out of it. What has been your unique experience as a marriage counselor in a foreign land? Helping people gives you an unforgettable experience almost on a daily basis.
What comes to mind now is that many people are not prepared for marriage before they get into it. Most people learn on the job in marriage and try to make it work by trial and error. In fact, we stay longer in our profession or career than we stay in marriage.
The average life expectancy of marriages now worldwide is 7 to 8 years for men and a little less than that for women. It is a complete misplacement of priority that is driven by a society which attaches a lot to money and wealth. Parents are willing to invest more on educating their children to be doctors and less willing to invest in training them to be good husbands and wives.